Close Your Eyes
by Dmarx
Summary: There's absolutely nothing she can say that will make this easier for him. Post-ep for Hunt.


_Summary: There's absolutely nothing she can say that will make this easier for him. Post-ep for Hunt._

_Author's Note: Thanks to Andy for the late night proofreading and the lovely compliments :)_

_Disclaimer: If I was capable of coming up with that storyline I don't think I'd be writing fanfic._

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**Close Your Eyes**

The creak of the stairs

The soft patter of footfalls across the wooden floorboards.

Those are the only things that break the silence, alert him to her presence.

He told her he'd meet her in bed in a couple minutes and he hasn't been keeping track of the time but that must have been at least half an hour ago. And he wants to be sorry, wants to apologize for keeping her waiting, but he can't be because this is his daughter and she's home and she's safe and she's asleep in her bed and it's the first time in these last few days that his world has felt even slightly as though it's back on the right axis.

His daughter is here. She's back, she's unharmed, and he knows he should feel an enormous sense of relief.

And he does. To an extent. But they _kidnapped _her, they took her, flew her halfway around the world, and he couldn't do a damn thing about it. And it's going to be a long time before he truly feels any sense of relief, because yes, it could have been so much worse, but right now it's all so fresh that the horror outweighs even the possibility of a silver lining.

He needs to sleep. He's thoroughly drained and completely incapable of thinking straight. There's no way he's caught more than four hours of shut eye in the last...however many days. Truthfully, between his cross-Atlantic flights and the panicked chaos of the last few days, Castle has no idea what day of the week it is or even how long this whole ordeal lasted. All he knows is that it was far too long. And exhausting, mentally, physically, and emotionally.

He really needs to sleep.

But he can't. He won't be able to and he knows that. It's the curse of having a writer's mind; storylines come after dark, large portions of his novels written by the light of a single lamp in the wee hours of the morning. But with the storylines come other thoughts as well. Dangerous thoughts, journeys into the depths of human pain and emotion. Often it enables him to delve into the minds of his characters; tonight he knows it will be much more personal, much more intense and painful.

Already his mind is aflutter with a million different thoughts. Alexis, what she went through, what she will continue to endure in her mind in the weeks and months to follow. The fact that he had to lie to his mother and to Kate in order to escape the confines of New York and FBI regulations and find his daughter. The fact that he was betrayed by someone he thought he trusted.

The fact that he supposedly met his father, that the man saved his life, possibly in exchange for his own.

He doesn't even know the man's real name.

"Castle." Her voice breaks the silence, low and gentle, as her hand comes to rest on his upper back.

He relaxes just slightly at her touch but she can still feel the tension in his muscles.

"Come to bed," she murmurs, careful to avoid waking Alexis. "You're exhausted."

He doesn't deny it but doesn't acknowledge it either, still unable to completely emerge from his tumultuous storm of thoughts.

"I won't sleep."

"I know. But at least come lie down."

It's a long moment before he responds. "But what if...what if she's gone in the morning?"

Kate's heart shatters for him, for the desolation in his voice, the hopelessness that's taken over his fatigued mind.

"She's here, Castle. She's here and she's safe."

"But what if..."

Kate steps around to press a finger to his lips, silencing the thought. "We could talk about the what-ifs until you drown in them, Castle, but it won't do any good. Trust me. You brought her home and she's here and she'll still be here in the morning. I promise you that."

She knows her words mean so little at this point, that there's really nothing she can say to help him. She isn't good at this on the best of days and today certainly doesn't qualify as such.

She steps closer, wraps her arms around him from the side, hoping that somehow the physical contact will help eliminate the feeling of utter uselessness that is taking over her.

Because seeing him in so much pain is breaking her heart and she has to do something. She has to.

"I'm sorry, Castle," she sighs after a long moment.

That catches his attention. "For what?"

"For being so awful at this. For not knowing what to say."

He turns in her arms then, wrapping her up in his own embrace. "I don't...sometimes words aren't enough," he answers softly, a voice of experience.

"I know," she breathes, tracing the line of his jaw with one finger. "So tell me how I can help."

"Just," he sighs, buries his face in her neck. "Just be here."

Kate feels the corners of her mouth upturn slightly, a giant weight lifting from her shoulders. Be here. That she can do.

The adrenaline that's sustained him has long since worn off, leaving him empty and exhausted. He sags against her and Kate tightens her embrace, holding him up with what little strength she has left. These days have taken a toll on her as well and while she cannot even begin to imagine what Castle endured, she too is completely drained.

But tonight needs to be about him. She knows he won't sleep much but she can be there for him anyway; to hold him, to talk, to listen, whatever he needs. From the weariness in his broad frame, she has a feeling that he needs to let it out in some form. And tonight, she'll be the strong one.

For him.

After a few silent minutes, Kate takes a small step backwards, gently tugs him after her. He loosens his grip enough for her to slip from his embrace, link one hand with his and guide him slowly down the stairs.

It's a process, and a slow one at that, because neither is particularly coordinated at this point. Castle and Alexis didn't arrive until after nine and between reunions and dinner and father-daughter time, it's now well after midnight. Gates gave her tomorrow off so Kate isn't worried about having to wake up at any certain time; she's just worried about Castle being able to sleep at all.

From the way he's clinging to her hand, feet dragging along the ground, he clearly needs it.

She leads them into the bedroom, turns and begins unbuttoning his shirt while he clumsily works his belt buckle. Together they strip him down to his boxers and then Kate is turning down the covers, urging him into bed. He hesitates, as though even the thought of sleep makes him anxious, but he eventually settles in, back against the pile of pillows that rest against the headboard, legs beneath the blankets.

Kate climbs in next to him, gently coaxes him to lie down next to her.

"You look exhausted," she murmurs, reaching out to trace the line of his cheek, his jaw. There are dark circles beneath his eyes, and his eyes themselves are red and glassy. Like he's about to burst into tears.

"You sure know how to boost a guy's ego," he shoots back, an attempt at humor, and Kate can't help but chuckle because it's the first time she's seen this side of him in days. And she has no idea how long it'll be before it surfaces again but this simple quip gives her hope.

She smiles gently, cups his cheek. "It's good to have you two back."

Castle blinks hard, fighting the tears that have been threatening to fall since the moment he laid eyes on her again. "It's good to be back."

A tear falls then, followed by another, and Kate captures them with her thumb, wipes them away. But she can't keep up, they're falling too fast, and so she does the only thing she can think of; she wraps her arms around him, melds their bodies together, one hand in his hair and the other rubbing soothing circles on his back.

"Let it out," she murmurs, knows from experience that there's no point in trying to hold it in. "Let it out, Castle. I've got you."

He cries for the daughter he nearly lost, the father he found, the pain he endured along the way. He cries until the tears no longer come, minutes, maybe half an hour later, and Kate finds herself fighting tears as well at seeing the man she loves in such pain.

When he finally lifts his head she is there, soft hands on his skin, pure love in her eyes, and it's the first time since he escaped with Alexis that he feels as though things may eventually be okay again. Because his daughter is upstairs and Kate is here and the way she's looking at him means everything. She worked tirelessly on his behalf, she didn't hold it against him that he lied to her and jetted halfway around the world. She supported his mother while he was away and she hugged his daughter when she came home. She watched him crumble to the ground just now and yet she's still here, cradling him reverently, gazing at him as though she loves him more than ever.

(She does.)

"Thank you," he manages, voice strained and raw.

Kate reaches out to catch a lingering tear, leans in to press her lips to his in a feather of a kiss. "Come on," she whispers. "You need to sleep."

He sighs, the weight of recent days crashing back down over him. "I can't," he chokes out, so distraught. "Every time I close my eyes..."

"I know," she interrupts gently. "I know. But she's okay. You're both okay. And I'm here, Castle."

He lifts his eyes to hers, gazes locking in the semi-darkness. She's had nightmares, she knows what it's like. What it's like to fight falling asleep for fear of what will happen. To wake up sweating and panting and disoriented, unable to separate reality from fiction. What it's like to have to suffer alone.

She may not be able to help the first two but she can certainly make sure he's not alone with his dreams.

"Close your eyes," she encourages, arms still laced around his torso. "When you wake up, I'll be here."

"Promise?" he slurs, eyes already slipping closed, and she can only hope that at least for tonight his exhaustion will keep the nightmares at bay.

Kate snuggles closer and immediately finds herself encapsulated in his embrace, as though being wrapped around her is the only thing that's keeping him grounded to reality.

She relaxes against him with a small smile, presses a kiss to his bicep.

"Promise."

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**END**

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_Thoughts?_


End file.
